Sad news, there is no hangover cure — but there is hangover “assistance”

Man with hangoverI have it on good advice the best way to avoid hangovers is to stay away from alcohol. No, that’s not it.  To stay drunk. There you go. Full stop. End of story.

But since we no longer live in the 1920s, where it was highly possible to be drunk from the cradle to the grave and partying all the way in between, it is quite likely you will want to be sober some time in the next few festive weeks.

You may need to follow these bona-fide, simple suggestions that are pretty much guaranteed to not quite work at curing a hangover. They will, however, aid in reminding you to not get quite so maggotted the next time, especially if you know one of these lovelies is coming up. “Coming up” is an apt choice of words, as coming up they will surely be. Bucket anyone, anyone?

I kid you not, according to a site I found web trawling (so it must be true) a Mexican dish called Menudo is often cooked New Year’s day as a hangover cure. You can even cook it yourself because here is the recipe. Fair warning, it contains tripe and pig’s feet. If that’s not enough to put you off drinking, I don’t know what is.  I can’t even begin to imagine preparing this whilst in the grips of the evil brew. And if you had to
pre-prepare it you’d think you might have second thoughts about going in hard on the big night out.

Other more traditional hangover treatments include:

Bacon Bloody Mary

In a bold move this man has added bacon to his Bloody Mary. The picnic cup is also a nice cheerful touch.

Have a Bloody Mary — invented in the 1920′s it is practically its own food group. The Bloody Mary is by far the most popular hangover cure although I don’t think anyone with a hangover could be bothered making it themselves.  You need a butler and it is preferable you live in an Art Deco apartment like Hercule Poirot.

Drink your own body volume in water — Well, a lot of water at any rate. Before you finish singing Achy Breaky Heart and lurch into bed with half your clothes still on, have many glasses of water. Apparently alcohol dehydrates the body and if you are well hydrated you won’t feel quite so bad if when you wake up.  Remember though that what goes in must come out. It might be a good idea to put down the plastic bed sheet just in case you can’t be bothered getting up again during the night.

eyeball in a glass

More appealing to me than a Red Eye. And that's saying something.

Have a Red Eye— it’s real. It’s hard-core. A basic Red Eye consists of a can of beer, a dash of tabasco, half a can of tomato juice and … a raw egg (unbeaten). Those who know me know what I am going to say now.  You will likely get salmonella poisoning which will at least make you forget about your hangover. I’m pretty sure being on a drip in hospital will help flush the alcohol from your system and the salmonella will flush out everything else.

If it has a raw egg in it why isn’t it a yellow eye? Or an Eye of Saron? You call it whatever you like whilst I call an ambulance.

Vegemite on toast — now this isn’t just in there because I am Australian and love my Vegemite. It’s a yeast extract full of Vitamin B. You could have a Berocca drink or a vitamin pill but I say get that jar out and start slathering. Americans will find this a particularly handy “avoidance reminder” for future drinking bouts as I heard one say “Vegemite? Toe jam of Satan.”  Pass me a spoon.

Lay on the floor and groan — you know you have drunk too much because the room is spinning and you are hanging onto the floor to stop yourself flying off. A great hangover cure is to stay there until the alcohol passes from your body. Getting up and crawling to the bathroom from time to time is recommended but highly optional.

rainbow art

Go for the purge. Also known as the Technicolor Yawn. Or the having a chuckle at the china. Nice.

When in doubt hurl it out — This is probably the very best hangover assistance of all.  If you get your vomiting done before you go to bed you will clear your body of some of the alcohol, plus that kebab and deep-fried Mars Bar. A bonus is you will not really remember the horror of the purge the next day. Of course if you go Exorcist with it there will be a further price to pay.

So there you go, a few handy tips to help you through the aftermath of the next couple of weeks. Remember, everything in moderation — whilst I am sure you are the life and soul of the party, I think nine glasses of personality is enough for anyone. Don’t you?

Image inset at top is from the Flickr stream of practicalowl
Bacon Bloody Mary photo is from the Flickr stream of The Raz. You are a legend.
Eyeball in a glass is from the Flickr steam of Patrick Hoesly
Rainbow-like photo is from the Flickr stream of
christyscherrer

About gillianloves

I decided there was not enough laughing in my life so I set to and started to design greeting cards in addition to my other design work. I'm happy to make people smile and to show that sending something really good takes as little effort as sending something pretty ordinary. I fully believe that if you can laugh about it someday you may as well laugh about it today. And also that we are just about as happy as we try to be. But you should know, Pollyanna I'm not. Even I might want to slap her after a day or so.
This entry was posted in Food & drink, Humour and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Sad news, there is no hangover cure — but there is hangover “assistance”

  1. pinkerton says:

    All your festive season posts have given me a Damn Good Laugh – which is always good for me at this time of year. thankyou!

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