Santa is a scary old man. And he smells funny

screaming at santaIn the past few years if you have managed to reproduce, adopt, or build out of Lego a lovely little baby of your very own you must take said little being to see Santa Claus.

Why? Well you can’t start the confusion and lies early enough in my book. It’s an acceptable way to mess with their grabby little minds for a decade or so.Β I mean really, look how much fun they’re having…

Montage of scared kiddies

If your child does happen to be a screamer don’t worry. Don’t slink away with empty promises to “try again later when she’s had her nap“. Revel in your time. Then you will only have to do it once. And yes, all the people in the line are talking about you and discussing either what a brat your kid is or how you are torturing the poor little darling. You monster.

Just grab some toys off the nearby shop shelves and let Roberta play with those. Β That’s what they’re there for. Then put them back (as near as you can throw them) and go home, safe in the knowledge that your child is fearful of strange men promising gifts.

Scared of Santa

Oh and mums… because it will be down to you since only mums give a damn about getting these things done… dress as if you are going to meet the Queen because chances are one year you are going to end up in the photo too. Since this is the only photo your Mother-in-Law will keep on the mantle for the next three months you may as well look sensational.

Main family image is from the Flickr stream of WBUR

About gillianloves

I decided there was not enough laughing in my life so I set to and started to design greeting cards in addition to my other design work. I'm happy to make people smile and to show that giving something really good takes as little effort as sending something pretty ordinary. I fully believe that if you can laugh about it someday you may as well laugh about it today. And also that we are just about as happy as we try to be. But you should know, Pollyanna I'm not. Even I might want to slap her after a day or so.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Humour, Photography and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

147 Responses to Santa is a scary old man. And he smells funny

  1. Miranda says:

    I’m proud to say that this is R’s third Christmas… and he still doesn’t know who Santa is. He’ll make up for lost time I guess….

  2. Livy Parker says:

    Oh my, these kids look PETRIFIED! I’ve never been on Santa’s lap myself, so sadly, I don’t have any pictures looking this scared. Great memories for those who have?? I’m really not sure…

  3. I look at all of these wide-open mouths, and you know what I see?


    Patience from Santa. Patience from moms and dads trying to calm irrational fears. Patience practiced late at night inspired by terrifying nightmares of giant men in large red suits.

    Priceless! Thank you for sharing… πŸ™‚

  4. Funny! Now I am off to check out some of your greeting cards. Merry Christmas!

  5. Kerry says:

    aaahahaha!! once upon a time i was a the photographer of small children on santas lap, this brings back so many memories! to be honest though, i encountered far more pushy grandmothers than mothers… usually it was granny forcing the child while mum was getting exasperated “can’t you see shes terrified, mom… honestly!!”
    Glad to say i’ve moved on since then… fun times!

  6. I was terrified of Santa and his elves, but loved his Reindeer to pieces! Oh, there was this awful talking Christmas tree with the most dreadful troll-like face, I was frantically afraid of. I’d have my mom take a detour every time I encountered that dreadful thing! I’d like to see your cards, if you could direct me to the link.
    Thanks for the laughter!

  7. mommabear4 says:

    This is so true! I had a great laugh at this one. Thanx.

  8. im glad i was raised jewish, santa always scared me…

  9. I love your blog, but I am troubled by these images!
    Here is another disturbing Santa photo that I’m sure he wishes did not exist…
    Santa Visits The Airport

    Merry Christmas!

  10. Great post! I blog from Haiti, where there aren’t a lot of Santas hanging around, but gosh, you make such a good point–why all the photos with Santa? He IS FAT and he DOES SMELL! Poor kids!

  11. florence says:

    Funniest thing I’ve read in a long time!
    And congrats on making it to Freshly Pressed. Enjoy the crazy ride. : )

  12. gpeace says:

    Oh I miss the days of going to see Santa at his grotto, I loved it! Definitely was not a screamer.

  13. psychodoodle says:

    So true… πŸ™‚ I’ve always been disturbed by people in the santa costume and am scarred for life by an encounter with the Michelin man when i was a kid…. santa is indeed a scary old man…. πŸ˜€

  14. karolyn says:

    This is weird how dare you be mean to santa!

  15. lillycavallo says:

    Great pictures πŸ™‚

  16. Stephen Mc Elligott says:

    I also have a photo of my brother somewhere in the house when he is young and crying his eyes out sitting with santa claus. I have a post also which tells the story of how America began with santa claus.

    Pax Christi

  17. sannekurz says:

    In southern Germany we have the Christkind coming (oh and Alsace-Lorraine joins us having the “Le Krisht-Kinndl arrive dans la ville” in Wissembourg and other places – not Papa Noel like the rest of France).
    The Christkind or “Christ-Child” is varying slightly from family to family, mostly shown as a small blonde flying baby with wings, very much like those baroque Puttos (Putti?!) you can find in old European churches.
    If visiting children in dress-up, Christkind believers use young women, in white dress and with long blonde hair and wings…
    …noooo crying kids there!
    Asked if Santa Clause exists many southern Germans tell their kids: “Of course not! It’s an invention of the Coca-Cola company. The Christkind is who REALLY brings the presents!”

  18. those pictures are hilarious…not making fun of the frightened kids, just sad that the parents wanted their kids to have this picture so bad, yet the children are ready to run for the hills.

  19. auntbethany says:

    All those pictures stem from your own family?!? Histerical! What a great post for the holidays!

  20. Ahaha! Too funny! The Santa’s near me always had dark “angry looking” eyebrows that freaked baby-me out big time!

  21. Agreed, on all points. And CLASSIC photos! Nice post, big congrats on being freshly pressed!

  22. mmgoodsongs says:

    This made my day. Love love love the photos. I have four littles and only the first two have had their picture with Santa. Try that childhood drama on for size. The other two would flip but I know the day is coming when they will be upset with me because they were neglected and the older ones were treated better. Happy Christmas to all!

  23. bookjunkie says:

    thanks for making me smile πŸ™‚

  24. Melissa says:

    I don’t understand why parents want to send their young children to see Santa when they are really scared of him. They should decide on their own… no pressure from mom and dad. I don’t teach my child that he’s real, she knows he’s a man in a red and white costume. Besides, why do parents want their children to believe in a “fake” Santa sooo much? He’s not what Xmas is about anyways. Christmas is about Jesus and most children don’t know who “HE” is! That should be a concern to christian parents… not the reverse!

  25. kathynealen says:

    My children were not at all thrilled about a stranger entering our home by chimney in the middle of the night! (even if he was bringing toys!). They wanted him to just stay outside and leave the toys outside too for easy pickup the next morning!

  26. norobotshere says:

    I’m the mum whose little darling shouted ‘That’s not Santa! That’s Jack who lives on our street!’ at the school Christmas fete. We were lucky to escape without being lynched.
    Nice post πŸ™‚

  27. Cherry Hanz says:

    When my daughter was three, all she could talk about for days and days was seeing Santa Claus. She started talking at 18 months, so by 3 she could talk your ear off. We were always asking if she had an “off” button. We waited over 2 hours at our neighborhood Walmart to “see Santa.” We get to the front of the line, she takes one look at “Santa”, she proclaims loudly, “That man is not Santa, see his fake beard and plastic shoes.” She begins to scream and cry loudly. Of course there are no pics!
    Congrats on being fresh pressed.

  28. leonabriggs says:

    I had to laugh because the only way my grandchildren would take a picture with “that man” was for grandma to sit in the chair with them on her lap and “that man” standing behind us. I’ll pay for their therapy bills later!

  29. That’s some serioulsy funny stuff! Thanks for sharing.



  30. I’m hearing the piped-in music behind all of those scenes . . . and it’s making me want to punch somebody . . . .

  31. bigsheepcommunications says:

    Thanks for making me laugh today!

  32. Summer says:

    Loool!! you’re post really made me laugh!! I think mums should take their kids to santa when they’re old enough to realize who he is!

  33. Any strange man scared the holy bejezzus out of me until I was about 10- Santa included. I was terrified to death of the yearly “go get your picture taken with Santa” thing that my mother insisted on every year, and I dreaded it so much that one year I almost peed my pants out of terror. My son on the other hand, would run up to strange people in K-Mart and beg to be picked up, pretty much from Day One. His yearly pic with Santa (for him) was a golden opportunity to present his laundry list of stuff he HAD to have, and of course, to mug up for the camera. The only problem with this is you didn’t have to be dressed as Santa to hear his want list- he would gladly broadcast it to anyone in line who was gullible enough to give him a moment’s audience. This difference in behavior must be attributable to the difference between “introvert” and “extrovert,” I guess.

  34. Pingback: Santa is a scary old man. And he smells funny « The Box of Thoughts

  35. Evie Garone says:

    Good post, really funny. So many “happy childrens” pics, too! Ya know, there is family lore that I was frightened of unfamiliar men for years when I was a child, do you think it stemmed from Santa? Thanks for the answer…Ha, Ha, Ha!! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  36. LainaLain says:

    I remember I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was seven. I just couldn’t see him getting down my chimney.

  37. Andrew says:

    I can’t even believe that. Great post!

  38. Lakia says:

    This is very funny πŸ˜‰ Keep up the good posts! This looks just like my little cousin last Christmas hehehe

  39. Great photos! Way to capture the fear and enigma of Santa Claus that so many of us have as youngsters. I can’t wait to subject my children to the same distress.

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!


  40. H3avenly K3rby says:

    When I was younger I remember being terrified of taking a picture with Santa Claus…course I was also afraid I was going to fall through the wood planks at the local pier.

  41. Ophelia says:

    Hysterical is the right word! I can’t stop laughing!

    Thanks for the great breath of fresh air… well… with Santa smelling so funny, I guess not.

    All those screaming babies! Even the older one looking a little… well, unimpressed… what a laugh πŸ™‚

  42. Santa is my grandpa?!?!?!

  43. Great stuff! Very funny. Thanks for sharing some of that “holiday spirit.” Cheers from Chicago.

  44. jimhoefflin says:

    This is so true. When you step back for a moment, many of those Santa’s are really pretty scary looking.

  45. Modern Funk says:

    He scared the living shit of out of me as a kid.

  46. flaxentawny says:

    ha! This is hilarious!!! I have a 14 month old, and we will most definitely be bringing her to see Santa this year…

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  48. Ivey says:

    I believe that it is only the best santas that can illicit such terrified responses from children.

    I’m just glad it isn’t my job to get the kiddies to look at the camera!

  49. llanfeistytimes says:

    I will never forget the image of seeing santa’s bare arse disappearing up the chimney!

  50. Vibeke says:

    Believe me. ANY Santa story is welcome in these days’ mad count down to his arrival. Mock him, do take the mickey out of us mums who celebrate his authenticity to such a point that we end up regretting it at some point (I can see it coming…) Honestly, here I am sat with a glass of ruby red, your story made me smile! Thank you for seeing things clearly. My five year old daughter whom I’ve just tucked into bed also has a very clear vision of Santa.
    – Today we were given a tiny piece of paper in school where we had to draw what we want to ORDER from Santa.
    – I don’t think Santa lets you place an order. You’ll have to wish for it. Anyway, what did you wish for?
    – I drew a horse. But I think it’ll be a very strange horse, because I only had space to draw the body. The paper was too small for the head and the legs.

    A great big Ho Ho Ho everybody!

  51. Hilarious pix. Great post. Just this very morning I posted a “Creepy Santa” photo on facebook. We’re not actually screaming or looking unhappy — but if you could see this Santa, you would wonder why πŸ™‚

  52. you forgot to mention that if the mommy does have to sit with Santa- he is most likely going to hold on tighter than is comfortable/acceptable!

  53. eduClaytion says:

    Ha! these are soo great! Totally deserves the Fresh Pressed status. Have a great (and scary Santa free) Christmas.

  54. thypolarlife says:

    Funny pics. Luckily, my kids were never screamers. Although, my daughter did try to run once πŸ™‚

  55. cassiecares says:

    I laughed aloud at a few of these photos, perhaps because I remember being scarred for life by the Easter Bunny when I found out it was my neighbor. A neighbor who liked to tickle. Blegh. Nice post!

  56. le guz says:

    Good article ! very nice
    Faites aussi un tour sur notre blog

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  58. Funniest entry I’ve read in a while! Love your style of writing. And what a great topic in light of the holiday season. πŸ˜€

    Thanks for sharing!

  59. enjoibeing says:

    the pictures of these kids are hilarious! they all look so sad. i remember when santa was real. or maybe he still is?

  60. Jule1 says:

    Too effin’ funny, those pics! That’s the reality of going to see Santa Claus, ho ho ho!

  61. deanna says:

    Quite right – exposes this strange tradition of ours for what it is exactly: strange. No wonder the little tykes (invariably, for each of mine) scream in protest.

  62. juleshaley says:

    so funny! love it !

  63. yellow78 says:

    I love your entry, different and interesting… Santa is scaring the children.

  64. Jenna says:

    Such funny pictures! I never believed in Santa Claus, so I was spared the trauma. =)

  65. evilcyber says:

    I loved those pictures! πŸ™‚

    In Germany btw we used to have the “Christkind”, literally “Christ child” that brought the presents, but over the last ten or twenty years it has been more often than not been replaced with Santa.

    In light of the above pictures and some of the comments here I wonder if we didn’t open up ourselves to countless childhood traumata πŸ˜‰


  66. tiallarising says:

    haha those pictures are hilarious- and so true. Congrats on Freshly Pressed! πŸ™‚


  67. dearliv says:

    It does seem a bit hypocritical that once a year we throw caution to the wind and teach our children to follow men who are promising toys, give all their most personal information to a complete stranger, and “for God’s sake eat the candy the weird lady in the elf costume gave you.” Thanks for the laugh.

  68. gmomj says:

    It does boggle the mind how sane parents can encourage their precious children to go sit on Santa’s lap but watch out for the man at the park who can’t find his puppy.
    Say wha ??????………

    Luckily Santa doesn’t play into my family..or so I thought..until husband found some hidden photos of our teens at the mall crowded onto the Santa’s lap.

    “Why would they do this?” husband said

    I dunno probably cause we’re just not weird enough.

    Thanks for the cute post.

  69. Sunflowerdiva says:

    I loved Santa. I was just enchanted. Absolutely enchanted. I was 9 when I finally found out he wasn’t real. Sad, right?

  70. Valerie says:

    Love this! It’s true… a lot of children are terrified of Santa when they’re little. I know there are plenty of pictures of me and my sister as babies crying hysterically as our parents coerce us onto Santa’s lap. Of course, he did bring me the Barbie fashion design CD when I was six, so I can’t complain too much. Lovely post… too too too funny!

  71. rtcrita says:

    These photos are priceless! Your post and these images remind me of the movie “A Christmas Story.” The kid in line, waiting to see Santa, right before Ralphie (isn’t it his little brother, Randy?) goes beserk when he finally gets in Santa’s lap and starts screaming and crying. It’s so hilarious! I’m going to go watch that movie now…thanks!

  72. wagnerowicz says:

    This is awesome. For the first 4 years of her life my daughter ran away from Santa screarming bloody murder, a complete mental case. BTW, Santa is an anagram of Satan. Oh dear! \m/

  73. Inspiring a state of appreciation, respect and love inwardly and outwardly. Nice post. I really admire your points you stated.

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  74. emjayandthem says:

    what is it about us? We teach our kids to be afraid of strangers but thrust them at a strange looking man in a red suit surrounded by short green people and animatronic animals? No wonder they’re terrified. But .. like many.. I was enthralled with Santa, too. Even if the local Santa looked a bit too much like Mr. ____, the town drunk. πŸ™‚
    Congrats on be fresh pressed also!

  75. Luhi Purcell says:

    I have pictures just like that with my kids.


  76. The Perfectly Imperfect One says:

    HAHAH I loved this post, hilarious!!
    Congrats on being freshly pressed πŸ™‚

  77. BeneathTheSpinLight says:

    Haha! Phenomenal post! Thanks for the laugh!

  78. I never believed in Santa. My parents were worried I wouldn’t believe them about other things if they taught me about Santa and I grew up and found out he didn’t exist. I think it made Christmas a little less commercial for me, maybe.

  79. I was in a mall recently, and I saw a Santa sitting there ready for photos…but there were no lines to see him. He and his helpers looked SO bored! I felt sorry for them…but after looking at these photos, now I know why no one was in line!

  80. I am not, and I don’t. πŸ˜€

  81. wally metts says:

    I’ve finally come to peace with Santa. As a kid I believed. And as an adult I annoyed nonbelievers by convincing their kids I was Santa. πŸ™‚

    I was neither scared nor scarred. But I’ve learned to appreciate the myth. And the man, for that matter.

    Here’s a post from long ago:

  82. me llamo brown says:

    funny story – I don’t have any pictures with santa because my mom was afraid of him. true story.

  83. jakeelliot says:

    Yeah I’m Christian, and uncertain about if I like the label. But some people here might like the ‘Santa Claus Is Coming to Town’ to my lyrics ‘The Slander Claus Song’:

    This bit here:

    “He’s sold his own soul, responding to cash
    Storing our greed in his Santa bag stash
    Santa Claus is coming to town…

    He’s making a list and checking to see
    Kids to spoil in rich families
    Santa Claus is coming to town…

    He holds your little children
    They sit upon his lap
    You only see the good of him
    Not what goes behind the back”

  84. mia1984 says:


  85. Oh how funny! I actually remember being scared of Santa a little bit myself when growing up. I grew up in Scandinavia when Santa actually came to visit on Christmas Eve (uncle in a Santa suit) and then you had to perform for him singing or playing the piano… it was almost a relief when he left…lol!

    • gillianloves says:

      Poor Santa was probably relieved too! Imagine visiting fifty separate kids banging away on the piano and singing some awful carol. By the last one I bet he was in need of a stiff drink. : )

  86. Hello there! nice blog, you know what, through your blog I remember my nephew, when he was 2 years old, he want to see Mr. Claus, so we brought him into the amusement park because its a Christmas season suddenly, we told him that we have a surprise exclusively for him, so he is very excited, he forced us to say it, but then when we shout surprised and then Mr. Claus came out from our back, my nephew ran very fast. To make the story short, he’s afraid of Santa, he told us that the man he saw was not Santa, β€œ Santa was not very big, always carrying a gifts and always laughing…hahaha Merry Christmas!”Because of that incident he never dreamed anymore to see the real Mr. Claus. now, he is 10 years old and I’ am always smiling when I remember this story.

    • gillianloves says:

      Poor little tyke! What a pity. Still it’s a good family story to tell at his 21st birthday party! I don’t remember even being scared of Santa but I probably was early on… until I learned he was the source of all the best presents!

  87. Nice article. Can I tell a story here?
    Last Christmas, I was dared by my friend to dressed up like Santa and I really look horrible in that costume! I can’t even recognized myself when I looked in the mirror. Children still believes that Santa exists that’s why I was forced by my friend to dressed up like Santa Clause and visit his nephews. The other boy with an eyeglasses came to me and asks a lot of questions. So, I was forced to make stories. The other one asked me where my reindeer are. She wants to see them. She said. Well, I tried to think of the reason why I was not with my reindeer. Actually, in spite of my outfit, I still enjoy the party. I can see the joy in their eyes. But I’m not going to dressed up like Santa again. Its really funny. I will look like a clown instead.

  88. yuvavayuva says:


    same with me,, i dunno why but when i was child,, i truly scared santa…

    nice blog, anyway πŸ™‚

  89. Messina Studio says:

    It really is a strange tradition. I mean most of these men are drunk hobos. Well maybe not all of them, but it certainly is weird to have your kid sit on some weird guy’s lap. I agree with the above comment though – Clowns are way scarier than Santa. I grew up watching Killer Klowns from Outer Space and IT. Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me πŸ™‚

  90. Brooke says:

    Wonderful finds!!! I love that like little black and white tile – that face is fantastic!

  91. vbrekkidd80 says:

    Funny post, I dig it!

  92. Great blog. The kids in the pictures are looking great.

  93. elainexoxo says:

    HAHA, cute post πŸ˜€

  94. I remember the first time my daughter was old enough to really want her photo – she wasn’t a screamer, she was more interested in trying to pull Santa’s beard off. Unfortunately, it was a real one. I was so embarassed!

  95. sohailc69 says:

    loolage santa scares me too little kidas dont worry :S

  96. Great post. Thanks!
    I have 5 sisters, so we have 2 dozen or so pics like this in the archives!
    My poor Dad was a Santa at the local Gimbles in NY when money was tight…he sure loved us to be subjected to this!

  97. ryoko861 says:

    My first was fine with Santa. Two, three years in a row, no problem. Then he got a little to old for it, or so he said. My second wanted NOTHING to do with Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick.
    After that episode, I started taking pics of the kids myself in front of my decorated fireplace. Ahhh, stress levels at normal. All was good with the world.

    You pics reminded me of “A Christmas Story” where all the kids that freaked out over Santa were sent down the slide screaming their fool heads off. Always cracks me up!

  98. Omg… all the kids look horrified! Up till now, I had the impression that all little beings love the old beardy man..

  99. Great blog – so funny!! Happy Holidays!

  100. patpatkay says:

    Funny pictures : )

  101. prem2pram says:

    It is not just Santa that causes the little ones to scream, you should see what happens when they meet the Easter bunny *lol

  102. puffysmoke says:

    This made me giggle =)

  103. Tiny Temper says:

    Great post! Brings back some memories, too! My kids are 18 and 15 now, but I have photos like yours – oh, the terror! Might just have to dig those out this Christmas πŸ˜‰

  104. Santa says:

    Children that sit on my lap go away with a true feeling of Christmas not fear !

  105. winxrocker says:

    Oh my goodness!
    My mom said I cried when we just caught a glimpse of Santa. When my sister was a baby she started crying in the car itself. I wonder what would happen if we had actually met him.

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  107. Amanda says:

    Hi! I am conduction interviews on avid bloggers and would love to include you. If you are interested please reply. πŸ™‚

  108. erinsiu says:

    I took my first picture with Santa when I was 23. I enjoyed it! But then I was 23, trying to live the pieces of youth I missed. πŸ™‚

  109. I remember my nieces and nephew when I saw the picture of Santa and the kids. I witness how by nephew cry when we brought him to a mall since we wanted him to see Santa and also for him to feel Christmas since that’s what kids are craving for eversince,to see Santa…but he had his very loud cry when he was sitting in Santa’s lap.

  110. Nice stuff!

    u made the day

  111. jlaw311 says:

    It’s very true he does smell funny. And he is unusually warm.

  112. lazydayzz says:

    funny πŸ™‚

  113. PeacockWings says:

    I absolutely love this pictures!!
    My little being won’t be along till May so I have to
    wait till next christmas for the screaming shot with santa πŸ˜€

  114. diarybabe says:

    Ver funny πŸ˜€ hehe

  115. Pingback: Is Santa Claus Simply a Scary Old Man? | Claude Penland – Webmaster & Actuary

  116. speachless says:

    Maybe she didnt like the gift….who knows….

  117. ….I am thinking actually of the song “Santa Baby…….” πŸ˜‰

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