If you have a nice boss (and lots of people do) the chances are they have a horrid boss above them and might appreciate a bit of help in that department. Of course there are all those other kinds of bosses, managers and supervisors that really need… well, you’ll see.
Of course my brain went straight to a pair of fake testicles. For the boss who either doesn’t have any (oh yeah, I hear you) or the one that really needs to get someone else by the balls. Or maybe some testicle shaped stress balls. What a product. I just know they’re out there somewhere but I tell you after ten minutes spent looking I think I may have gone blind forever. Google is no friend to me.
How about this instead….maybe with a little note about getting in more practice for the next branch meeting, training session, disciplinary hearing. Helps that the nutcracker looks like a thumbscrew.
Because everyone could use a little extra help… Yoda’s Box of Wisdom, a little bitty Yoda figure plus stand and a 48pp book of Yoda-isms, sure to make your next meeting with the boss go like a dream. “When 35 years in business you reach, look as good you will not”. Put a caveat on it that the boss has to use one saying per weekly staff meeting.
Give your boss a copy of How to win friends and influence people or Titanic … only it’s not a book, it’s a book safe. You can buy one or you can make your own. You can of course use any weighty tome you desire — make your own wrap-around book cover to suit some specific disaster of the past year or subtle point you wish to convey (ie SHOW ME THE MONEY in a year where a raise was laughable). For the nice boss or for the boss to whom you want to say “You suck, ha ha, but only kidding“. But put something good in the hidey space — bars of chocolate, plastic gun, fake nose and moustache for the quick getaway… you name it.
Yeah okay, none of those were particularly nasty. I resisted the temptation to suggest calcium tablets for the boss with a weak spine and teflon spray for the slippery boss nothing sticks too. I tried. But the thought of actually giving someone something awful on a day they are really enjoying themselves and probably being quite pleasant just isn’t in me. Besides, crap people sabotage themselves. Don’t give it another thought, your “last laugh” will come!
Walnuts image from the Flickr stream of Funadium.