There are of course gifts that spring to mind instantly, especially if you score the office weasel, incompetent or complete cow in the Secret Santa draw. Since it’s best to be funny, not spiteful, and maintain the festive mood (no matter how much is pains you), best snort quietly to oneself, and possibly to a few others, and opt for the boring choice of a box of Quality Street instead.
If you can’t say something nice… come sit by me… no no, that’s not right… then don’t say anything at all. Yes, that’s it.
I know, I know you couldn’t POSSIBLY give this to anyone. And we all know someone who really could use this. To dry dishes, mop up tear, bloodstains, you name it. Meet the emotionally unstable teatowel.
For the person who is forgetful, or really stupid… an inflatable brain. Now they will have one and a half to help them through the day.
For the person who has an opinion on everything. The one who drags a 20 minute meeting out to an hour and a half by “exploring every option” and having an opinion on EVERYTHING, here’s a nice big cup of…
For the office brown noser (or worse) a great big book of butts would be right up their… uh… alley. Or the division head’s alley. Team it with a packet of breath fresheners and a pack of wet wipes.
I could go on. And on. In fact I think I will. More unrecommendable gifts soon… having way too much fun to stop now. Heh heh heh.